3 Boys and a Girl

Ahhh December....

2010-12-20T11:08:00.000-08:00

You naughty little minx. You got away from me. November –you weren’t any better. Before I knew it, my husband and I were doing toiling in the kitchen for two – yes two thanksgivings -at our home. All turned out beautifully- good food, enjoying our new niece. Visiting with Matt’s dad’s side.

Then December came – and now almost went. Every weekend filled with something to do.
First of all and most important G turned 11.

Heavens! To be stuck in a world between being a kid and a teenager. Can you smell the awkwardness? Things are just happening too fast with him- for instance. He announced to me the other day that he knows Santa’s a “fake”. I don’t think I reacted the way he thought though. I told him it’s too bad he doesn’t believe anymore – because I’m 35 and I still believe.

He rolled his eyes. Typical. I get that a lot.

Unfortunately I got the darn stomach flu on his birthday- How could I? SO that was a little snafu. I thought I had a really bad hangover from a wine tasting event- turns out Instead of the wine flu I had the stomach flu.

No one believes me though.

The next weekend was my new little Niece’s baptism and the snowstorm of a lifetime. Crazy weather but a nice home cooked ham and party for her at my house. I’m not gracing you with any pictures because I look and feel like a big fat ham. Just say’n.

The next weekend I had my co -workers over for a Christmas party. How can you not have fun when drinking and gambling are involved? It’s just physically not possible. I am pleased with myself too, I did not get loaded and tell my boss what a great employee I am.

I’m sure he appreciates that as well.

Last Sunday was the Christmas pageant at church. Does anyone still call it a pageant? Yes..me I guess..

G was the narrator who remained calm and cool until the day for the pag-er Christmas program. Then he launched into full nervous nelly mode and we were unable to talk to him until the Christmas Program was over. He did a really swell job though; I don’t think I’ve ever been prouder.

I tried to get M involved in the Christmas program since he is a singer and dancer extraordinaire-(he gets that from the Chief), but alas it was a social situation that was difficult for him to handle. I was very bummed at this because to me it feels like a rite of passage but this isn’t about me it’s about him.

And there’s always next year.

This weekend –Christmas.

It’s still my favorite part of the year. I still get giddy going to my parents house on Christmas. The anticipation of family, fun and presents are the most exciting thing. I hope my kids feel this way even when they are ancient like me.
Happy Holidays to you and yours-

Peace out-

Meanwhile back at the ranch..

2010-11-01T15:18:00.000-07:00

Hey.

You don’t even want to know what crazy thoughts have been running through my head just to get something up to post.

Ridiculous, I know.

I was thinking back in October how cool it could be to post EVERYDAY. I was going to call it Shocktober and everything. Get it- ? It would be shocking for me to post every day.

Crickets.

Well as you can see it didn’t happen. Not that I didn’t think of you. Because I did often. Then I just poured a glass of wine and moved on.

Not too much new here, G is wild. He is doing better in school though so that’s good. He takes it as a personal insult when I ask him how it’s going. Luckily they have this online program where you can track their grades to see how they are doing. This is good and bad – because now you can see if the book report that you worked really hard on even got turned in.

He will be 11 soon and while most of the time I don’t recognize him anymore, once in a while I will get a flash of a baby with red curls and a good disposition.

M is a trooper. Random people show up at our house on a daily basis and make him perform for them like a circus act and while he loves the attention mostly I can’t help but wonder what life will be like post therapy. Sometimes, when I am home and therapy is downstairs I hear him crying. This breaks my heart. I know they are pushing him to learn things ...things that should come natural to him- that come natural for you and me but not for him. I stop what I am doing and listen closely. No they are not abusing him they are just pushing. And he’s tired. We all know being mentally strained can be just as exhausting as physical strain.

So then I feel like shit. Then I get mad at the powers that be. But hey theres a plan right? So I pour a glass of wine and move on.

Right now its his speech that needs to catch up. We are constantly repeating, annunciating and reminding.

There are good things though, he joined swimming lessons and he loved it. I teetered between the special needs class and regular lessons. So glad I went with the regular, he did wonderful; he had so much fun with his class and passed the course ready to take the next level.

I am not thinking about the rest and am celebrating good grades, and swimming lesson advancement.

And then I think I will have a glass of wine and move on.

How did it happen?

2010-10-08T14:00:00.000-07:00

Little steps here and there… I guess.

Stretch marks on my inner thighs from yo-yo dieting. Also, now on the inside of my knees. No one carding me anymore. A certain haircut I’m told that makes me “look younger”, or “older”. A child. More Stretch marks on my hips and tummy. Working harder and longer to burn calories. Cellulite. Someone guessing my age, getting it wrong. They never guess younger. A little arthritis in my right knee. Sometimes when it rains it acts up a little. Heartburn. Fuller pregnant breasts then deflated breasts. Crow’s feet found one morning. Another baby. I can’t recall your name and I should know it. Circles under my eyes-lack of sleep, never catching up. Back is sore after a long day on my feet. In bed by 9. Grumpy when people call past 9:30. Where are my glasses? Up at night thinking about work or bills. Rolling my eyes at younger peoples juvenile remarks.

I went to bed 34 & woke up 35. Wondering how it happened.

Aging.

They say age isn’t a number its how you feel. I think that’s true, but it’s also how you look. And how you perceive yourself to look is connected to how you feel. You dig?

Sometimes I feel like a kid. I go back and picture myself as 12 year old Jo or 16 year old Jo. And I feel like the same person. But when I move stiffly and get up in the morning, go pee, rub my eyes carefully study myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth, I look different.

Am I still the same person?

It’s not all bad though. I smoked and drank my way through my twenties, ate what I wanted to and hardly exercised. It is the opposite now. So I think in my thirties, I feel better. I might even look better. But I know I look different.

It sounds cliché but it did sneak up on me. Damn thing tapped me on the shoulder and when I spun around it smacked me in the face.

Of course, it probably didn’t sneak up on me except that my hearing is not as sharp as it used to be.

My point is- next time I won’t turn around for the sucker punch.

I’ll keep looking and walking forward.

Enough is Enough

2010-09-16T16:37:00.000-07:00

I’m back and (just like Bruce Willis on Die Hard)..With a vengeance..
or was that Lethal Weapon? Who cares? I’m a blogger. I’m going to blog. There will be blogging.

There will be so much blogging that Susan Powder will come back from TV commercial archives and shout, “Stop the Blogging!!!”

Not funny?
I agree.

Let me catch you up. When you last saw Jolene she was complimenting her husband and cursing a side project that went south in hurry. Someday I’ll tell you about it when you are older. She was complaining about her first born, and had questionable underwear.

Nothing much has changed.

My family went on vacation to a cabin at a fishing resort. We rented a cabin for a week. It was my folks, my family and my brother and sister in law. It was fun. We learned many things.

Like maybe we should not vacation together.

We had some good times though.

G started 5th grade. We also joined a local swim club. 5th grade this year is at the middle school.

I think he is having a hard time adjusting. Socially, I think he has no idea where he fits in. The teacher has already called to discuss his behavior.

One of the hardest things for parents to deal with (besides a medical diagnosis that knocks you off your feet) is getting the call or email.

“Dear So and So Crappy Parent-
I can’t handle your kid. He obviously has some sort of issues. Do you have issues? Did you pass them on? Is he on meds? Does he have ADHD? He is? He does? Oh good. Glad you told me- now I can single him out and watch him like a hawk. I’ll be sure to let you know every time he steps out of line. We need to make our job easier by labeling him and letting him and you know he is different.”

Signed,
Your son’s caring teacher.

Ok… I’m upset so I’m making this worse than usual. Last year his teachers were awesome because they didn’t focus on his ADHD but rather…him. What a concept.

So tonight I will play good cop/bad cop and shower him with love but be firm in telling him that ADHD is something he has but does not define who he is.

And then I will go to bed hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.

The Big Butt

2010-08-10T10:55:00.000-07:00

The other evening as my family was gathered around, enjoying the humidity, the chief cracked a joke.

At my expense.

This was not the first time and probably not the first time that day that he cracked a joke at my expense. Sometimes, I will admit, it is funny. He’ll tell a story and hey if it gets a laugh its fair game.

But the other night, I didn’t think it was funny.

I was tired and crabby and not wanting to be the butt of anyone’s jokes- much less his, so I said to him, after he told his joke about me:

“Really? Really? Was that supposed to be funny?”

“Just what exactly do you bring to the table?”

Everyone laughed as usual and we went on with our humidity fest.

I have been working very hard on a side project that is taking a lot of time/energy and money out of me. I basically hunkered down in front of my computer and growled at him or the kids when they approached me.

So the chief-

entertained the kids
And he did the laundry (including some of my questionable underwear) (don’t ask)
And he did the dishes
And he cleaned the house
And a few other wonderful things that are too personal to mention. (Get you mind out of the gutter)

Well halfway out of the gutter.

I did not post a tribute to him on father’s day on this blog.

And I think that’s ok because we should acknowledge those we love on days that aren’t marked by a hallmark holiday.

So I am giving him a free Fathers day, because he’s earned it.

And I think I can put up with being the butt of his jokes.

Because I’m pretty sure I know exactly what he brings to the table.

Structure!

2010-08-07T18:54:00.000-07:00

I love summer. Summer loves me. I just know it. I can’t wait to start a summer day, even if I am just getting up to go to work. I love the light, the air, the long days. I have more energy, I am happier. I exercise more. There are so many fun things to do.

But then the end of summer comes. It becomes evidently clear, to me that all good things must come to an end.

G needs structure. Summer must end. I don’t even think he is bathing anymore. The other day- late in the day-as I was having a ”what were you thinking?” conversation with him. I glanced at his teeth.

It looked like he had taken a spatula and flung food at his mouth like a sling shot.

“What is up with your teeth?” Me.

“Why?” G.

“Because It looks like you haven’t brushed them in like- oh I don’t know..forever?” Me.

“Oh”. G

“Just because you’re not in school, and it’s summer.. Does not mean you don’t participate in good hygiene.”Me

“Huh?” G.

“Never mind, just go brush your teeth, and when you are done..brush them again.
Silence.

“G..What’s up?” I asked.

“I threw my tooth brush away.”

“When?”
“A while a go..”

OH MY GOD.

Help. We need structure.

Your Opinon

2010-07-27T04:03:00.001-07:00

Thinking about quiting this blog. What's your opinion? I never hear from anyone..so I don't know if you enjoy it?

Let me know your thoughts.

Jo

Firsts

2010-06-29T15:02:00.000-07:00

I remember the first time I learned to ride a bike without training wheels. The neighbor kid, Anthony walked over to where I was sitting on the grass crying with frustration. He told me he’d help me and we worked for a few hours and before I knew it I was riding my bike. My mom couldn’t teach me, and my brother couldn’t teach me, but Anthony could. I remember as I broke away and Anthony was yelling, the way the wind flew arround me, and the feeling of freedom- although shaky -was overwhelming.

I feel that way now as a parent. G’s firsts were exciting, but I somehow managed to miss them. He crawled while his father and I were at a weekend country concert. He walked for the first time at Daycare while I was at work. It seemed like he was born talking. One day while we were at our family farm he picked up a two wheeler bike and rode off behind a convoy of other kids. The chief nudged me and said,” Do you realize G just taught himself how to ride a bike?” By the time I had glanced in his direction he was gone. As each of these monumental tasks was conquered, I didn’t celebrate them as much as I should have. He was smart and capable and I took that for granted.

With M I have the wisdom to know how fast these entire first’s fly by. And every child’s first are different. We’ve had a few lately and that’s what got me thinking about this. A few weeks ago we had a first by going to a water park and staying overnight. This had always freaked me out before because I didn’t think he would do well with the crowds and the hotel room.

Boy was I wrong. He loved it. We had so much fun with the boys we thought maybe we had left our kids at home and picked up two new ones along the way.
Yesterday, we took M to the movie theater to watch Toy Story 3. M has been on a Toy Story kick lately and I thought this would be a good time to introduce him to the movie theater. It was exciting because they had POPCORN AND WE WERE GOING TO SEE TOY STORY!

I wasn’t sure if he could sit for 2 hours in a dark theater with strangers. I’m not going to say it was perfect but he did better than I expected. He really sat well until about an hour and a half into it then he started talking (not in his inside voice) and trying to get our attention. But he only left his seat to go potty.
This summer M has also started Preschool in a classroom setting. He loves it. He has a ways to go to learn how to do group activities like lining up and circle time, but I know it will come.

I was anxious about all of these things, and each one turned out better than I could imagine.

Last night he chief and I reflected on M’s firsts, which made me think of G’s first’s which brought me back to some of my firsts. And I feel like I did riding that bike for the first time, completely free.

Ahh..Graduation Time

2010-06-07T12:43:00.000-07:00

I don’t know about you but during this time of year I always think back to my own graduation, you know, since it was only a few short years ago..Ahem.

I loved high school. Don’t get me wrong, when it was over and time to go, I was glad. I get bummed out when people say:

“Oh, I hated high school!”

“Worst time of my life!”

Sorry people, but I loved it. One social engagement after another and all I had to worry about was what I was going to wear. I didn’t even have to worry about that too much either because the grunge look was in. Throw on a pair of jeans (preferably Guess or Girbaud or Levis if your mother wont by the other two for you) and a flannel and we were off. They didn’t even have to be clean!

I miss that part of my life, and I feel lucky that I had such a great childhood. And I feel lucky to even miss that time now.

So I thought I would write a letter to myself at 18. These are not necessarily in order of importance.

• Your body is never going to look as good as it does now. Don’t waste it on icky, ugly, mean boys. Try not to blow it.

• Never EVER drop out of college for a boy (and for God sakes don’t do it twice!) A nice boy will help you through college.

• You will find love-even more than you think is possible.

• Before answering any questions learn to keep your mouth shut until you can give a decent response.

• Who cares what people think- Stand alone.

• Your mother is not as crazy as you may think.

• Just because something didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to doesn’t mean it didn’t turn out the way it was supposed to.

• Some people are not going to like you. Get over it. It just means they have bad taste.

• Kiss your grandma every time you see her. And don’t blow her off for a good time.

• Try to save some money- you never know what’s arround the corner.

• Give everything a chance

• Know when to let go and when to hold on

• Enjoy your freedom-you are only responsible for you- and once it’s gone it never really comes back (but that’s ok!)

Well there you go.

I think my letter to myself in my early twenties would be a lot longer – and more meaningful, but for now I want 18 year old Jolene to enjoy herself. There’s a long road ahead and you’re only young once, right?

Morning Ramblings

2010-05-28T06:53:00.000-07:00

Hi all..

Blog much?

I know, me neither. What is up with that anyway?

I hate commitments. When, I was in my very early twenties before I married What’s His Name, I was on a really fun bowling league. I think I enjoyed it so much because every night we’d get just rip roaring drunk and not take anything too seriously. Most of the time I made it to class the next morning, but I don’t know how. Then later when I was pregnant with G I joined a similar women’s bowling league and it sucked toenails.

Obviously it was the booze.

It could be the booze talking right now…

Not really, its 8:22 a.m.

And I am out of coffee booze.

Not that you’re a commitment, because you’re not. You are here for me, not the other way around and I better just buck up and realize that and post more regularly misus.
Sorry.
I like to scold myself. Then make up with myself with a muffin.

Anyway, I’m blaming my lack of posting on my friend KJ. We get up at 5:00 a.m. and run at a local park. And the whole time we are almost dying I’m yapping away at whatever comes to my brain. So see she is getting the brunt of my ramblings and not you guys.

So it’s her fault she’s a good listener.

So any who what’s new?

Both of my SIL’s are prego this summer so this will make for a fun fall and winter coming up. Part of me longs for another but sensibility takes over and says, “Jolene, Really? Are you crazy? Your plate if FULL.” SO I will have to live vicariously through them.

G loves baseball and has a huge coach crush. I think I might too. The coach says really positive uplifting things to G and he eats it up like cherry cobbler.

He says things like, “G when I’m done with you, you’ll be the best of the best.” And G beams from ear to ear. Then I beam from ear to ear. It’s quite the love triangle.

M is doing fantastic. He is working really hard, and I am so proud of him. I worry about him being so tired after these full days, but I know some day it will pay off in spades.

Whatever that means.

Promise to write again soon- Really soon

I have never liked Mothers Day.

2010-05-07T11:57:00.000-07:00

Let’s be honest. EVERY day is mother’s day. If you are expecting the day to play out like some Hallmark commercial you would be wrong.

Let us evaluate:

Dream: You wake up and your husband and children have made you a nice breakfast and is serving you in bed.

Reality: They are still in the kitchen arguing about how many eggs to put into the pancake batter and who’s going to tell mom the kitchen is a mess and when can she clean it up? Also, if they don’t know by now that your type A personality would never allow eating in bed…well then they never will.

Dream: There magically are not diapers to change and no real “work” to do.

Reality: You will have twice the diapers to change because your husband magically disappears and there will be twice the work to do.

Dream: You children know its mother’s day so they extra loving, showering you with hugs and kisses.

Reality: Wake up!! They are being clingy because they want something.

I constructed this letter to the chief and the little bucks.

Dear people who live in my house:

Yes I love you. You know I love you. Otherwise you couldn’t live here. Yes, I know Sunday is Mothers Day and out of some strange tradition that started god knows when; you think I may want to celebrate it. I don’t. You can, however observe it by doing the following things:
Let me go shopping- ALONE. Don’t touch your brother. Let me finish a whole magazine. Don’t bug your brother. Don’t go shopping Sunday morning for tacky items that Wall-Mart couldn’t sell all week and now you are buying them for me to throw out when you are not looking. Don’t touch your brother’s things. Let me enjoy my beverage in peace. Whatever you need go get your father. Let me carry on a phone conversation uninterrupted from start to finish.

And finally, I would like 24 hours of bathroom time alone. We do not live in a commune.

P.S. Really, you do not need to give me a gift. You are my gifts. Every day you continue to amaze me. I am proud to be your mother and I don’t need a special day to acknowledge that. If this is one day a year that I seem like I want to be alone it’s because I need and want to be by your side for the rest of the 364 days of the year and hopefully for the rest of my life. Your gift to me started 10 years ago and then about 4 years ago.

Now get out.

Sincerely,

The Management

Whew!

2010-05-05T15:22:00.000-07:00

Whew…Where have you been? Hellooo I’ve been posting here like forever and you don’t even stop by? Just kidding..I know it’s me who has dropped the blog ball. Sorry. So..Um, How have you been?

Really?

Really? Wow that’s interesting…

You’re so captivating when you speak…

Ok that’s enough…

Ok my..

Ok my turn…geez don’t get out much do you?

Hmm…well let’s get caught up shall we? G has started baseball with REAL official uniforms! Cool! More pictures to come as that develops. I am trying to find things to keep him busy since he does not want to go to camp this summer. So far we have Tennis lessons, Baseball, and math tutoring. Poor kid, having to do math in SUMMER. WHO DOES MATH IN THE SUMMER? WHO MAKES THEIR KID DO MATH IN THE SUMMER?

Apparently we do.

M is doing great; as usual-again so glad we went with the therapy even if we are going to be REALLY POOR for a while. It’s like paying for college at the age of three.

We dropped the sippy cup like a bad habit (because it was) which was excruciating for him and a little for us. He crabs about it once in a while to whoever will listen, I mostly think he is saying,
“What in the H#$% is wrong with you people- what?? A guy can’t have 1 stinking Sippy cup? Did you need to get rid of them all? “

He says this while walking up and down our kitchen floor crabbing, hoping a Sippy cup will fall from the sky.

Also we ditched the pull-ups at night. He was doing such a great job potty training during the day we thought he was figuring out the pull ups were like a diaper and he might be peeing and pooping in them just because. Not sure if we were right or not, but so far for 3 nights he has been dry.

And Operation Curb appeal has begun. We (you know the poor chief did most of it) removed rock from around our garage. The chief went directly out to put grass seed down and I sort of forgot to tell him that was not in the operation curb appeal phase 1 plan. We were supposed to put a brick mowing strip border down and you know plant some bushes. He was sort of mad because there’s sort of grass growing there now. But then he sort of got over it.

We also redid this flower planter and it looks much better now.
Then I made this boo boo. I tried to match up a piece of our back siding with a paint color to paint the foundation and although the color swatch matches well the paint does not match at all..oh well back to the drawing board. Crimony!
Peace Out!

Operation Curb Appeal

2010-04-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

That’s it. That’s what this summer is going to consist of. Hard work and hopefully, something to show for it.

There’s only one problem.

I don’t really..you know..that’s not..really..my thing.

You see, the beauty of the chief and my relationship is this..I come up with the ideas and he carries out the mission as planned. (Listen people, some marriages have been built on less.)

He doesn’t really see it that way.

He thinks I sit around (maybe) conjuring up fantastic –out of our means –projects (but it would be so nice if…) and then act appalled when it comes time to do the work like a dainty maid (which I am).

Most of the time I help when I can. When I’m not busy shopping or going out to eat. Or whatever I can do to clear the way for him to get the work done.

Sometimes he prefers me to be out of the way. I like these times. I like when I leave for the day and come back to a freshly drywalled room. He just gets ticked when I walk in and say nonchalantly, “ok, what’s next.”

I have learned not to do that. Any more.

So anyway, there’s a lot of things this house needs (like a for sale sign) but this summer we (I mostly) would like to focus on curb appeal.

We. Have. None.

We have made feigned attempts in the past but either nothing grows after we plant it or it just looks ridiculous.

I like to do home improvement projects, and spruce up the inside of my home but when it comes to the outside. ..very challenging.

In my next post I will show you pictures of our ridiculous attempts at landscaping and hopefully have a plan.

Moving on...

A few months ago my mother came over while I was fixing supper for the boys.

“What is that?” she shrieked.

“WHAT?” I shrieked. Oh god did she see a large dust bunny and mistake if for a mouse?

“WHAT IS IN YOUR HAND? Is that a pot? Are you really going to use that? It’s all stained and look its peeling-that’s probably getting into your food. You’re probably ingesting that. Your all going to get sick and then you will have to come live with us. Don’t use that. Let me see –all your pots are peeling-look at this one, look another one. Oh my god, how can you live like this? And serve food from this to your children? Oh look , look your frying pans -, oh lord… they are worse. I have to go.”

She left. I rolled my eyes in disgust.

As if.

As if I got money to run around and buy luxury items like pots and pans. I have had these forever. College days..

Well goodness, that was almost 20 years ago..oh god, what if this peeling stuff is steel..and we are ingesting it..I’d better get something different. What kind of mother am I, to let the pots and pans go like this..

So, I bought this:

Hopefully she has not notified child welfare yet.

IEP

2010-04-11T17:00:00.000-07:00

We just updated M’s IEP (individual Education Plan) and we are so pleased with his progress. We have been on the program for 6 months now and here are some of the things we have seen him improve on so far.

Talking: M was almost non-verbal before with just a few words. Now he babbles constantly and I know he is saying something really monumental; but he is talking so fast that it is hard for us to understand him. He never gets frustrated with us, he just figures we need more therapy. When he isn’t talking like 100 miles per hour his speech has cleaned up a lot and he is forming sentences too, so that rocks.

Listening: 6 months ago we had a hard time getting him to make eye contact with us to hear what we were saying to either repeat it back or follow directions. Now if we aren’t looking at him he gets in OUR FACE to look at us and if we still aren’t paying attention he reaches up and grabs our face to look at him.

Obeying: Through learning what makes M tick and what activities he really enjoys we have been able to get him to do things for us and things he should be doing. This has been awesome.

Potty: We had one minor setback when we went to Florida but now we are back on track more than ever and even working on staying dry all night!

Can I get an A-MEN!

Here is a breakdown of what his scores were like 6 months ago and what his new scores are:

October 2009

Chronological age
40 months

Gross Motor 30 months
Fine motor 30 months
Cognitive 24 months
Language 21 months
Self Help 24 months
Personal Social 33 months

March 12, 2009

Chronological age
46 months

Gross Motor 36-41 months
Fine motor 30-35 months
Cognitive 30-35 months
Language 30-35 months
Self Help 36-41 months
Personal Social 42-47 months

So my friends, it's all good.

Sometimes when you feel alone all you need to do is Google.

2010-04-01T06:38:00.000-07:00

I was just thinking the other day that I wished I had more friends or people that I knew with children in the autism spectrum. Actually, I think about this a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I love all my friends and we relate really well together about our children but with M’s deal there’s a missing piece.

And I try to be conscience of balance. Because there is so much going on with him, I could spend forever and a day talking about it. I don’t want to be that friend. The one who doesn’t shut up.

I am an introvert lately for whatever reason, I know if I tried really hard I could find some people to get to know, but every step towards declaring M’s condition makes it more real and makes me want to run in the opposite direction.

I know that I should put feelers out and start a support group-maybe even in my own home. But what if I start this and what if I don’t like these people. Then I will have to break up with them. Then there will be weirdness. I hate weirdness. I hate that there is not support for something like this now locally. And like I would really know how to run a support group?

Sometimes I still get really down and go on crying jags...so why would I subject this to anyone? I do not like to sob in front of strangers..That’s like a rule. Just thinking about sobbing in front of other strangers makes me want to sob which just escalates the whole thing.

So would I send out invites that say, “Hi I know your kid has Autism because so and so told me. Please come to a support group, ahhh..but just so you know if you aren’t my type this could be our one and only meeting, please RSVP by Tuesday.”

Or, what if I start this and I meet some really cool people? What if it’s the support network that I have been looking for? I just don’t know. And I know…you don’t know until you try..then you know. And I hate crap like that.

So, since I’m debating on how to reach out to other local parents, it seemed only logical to look at celebrities who have children with autism.

Right?

I know. Crazy thinking but here it is anyway. Just in case you were wondering.

Jenny McCarthy-(She has been popular lately because she is very vocal on immunizations and their possible link to Autism. I find many of her methods to “culty” and am not sure I buy into her theories. I am certainly not going to take medical advice from her.)

Holly Robinson Peete-(she seems like my type, I recently read a very cool article in which she almost threw her husband out because he was not on board with her son’s diagnosis. Plus she had “real” approaches to autism.)

Toni Braxton's son
Gary Cole's daughter
Sly Stallone’s son
Aiden Quinn’s Son
Ed Asner’s Son
Angie Dickinson had a daughter with Aspergergers
Joe Mantegna’s daughter
Doug Flutie’s Son

The list goes on.

So there.

Now I don’t feel so lonely anymore.

P.S. Anyone know Holly Robinson Peete’s telephone number?

Who let the dogs out..

2010-03-25T13:51:00.000-07:00

We are babysitting my parent’s dogs while they lollygag to god knows where. They are worse than small children.

The dogs, not my parents. Don’t even get me started on them. That’s a post of a different color.

This is Dotty :

This is Baxter:

Let’s start with Baxter. He is getting old. The reason I know this is when G was two, shortly after Baxter was adopted from the Humane Society, he somehow found a poopey diaper we had discarded while visiting my folks ...and well... you get the picture… He’s a kid dog...What can I say?

He is very bullheaded. Mom says that if a Doberman Pincher walks by Baxter’s all “You wanna piece of this schnauzer? Huh? Do ya? That’s right, go back and tell your mangy friends! This is my crib! Suckah!”

(Ok maybe he doesn’t say Sukuh.)

He gets his butt kicked a lot-and never seems to learn.

One time around Christmas when my family came home after a night of carousing, we heard a blood curdling scream from the kitchen/living room. We all went running to see what all the commotion was about.

My mom was standing there with a horrified look and all around her laid the remnants of all of her Christmas decorating hard work. Santa’s that were once stuffed with Christmas goodness splayed on the ground guts spewed all over. Chewed off toes and faces. Decorations that were once neatly hung where in pieces spread from here to there. I’m telling you CSI crime scenes seem like kindergarten romps compared to what we now call the “2001 Charismas massacre.”

There stood Baxter right in the middle-tongue hanging out and wagging his stubby tail.

My mom looked like Lucy Liu when she played that mean assassin part in Kill Bill when she is sitting around the table with a bunch of Chinese business men and someone says something she doesn’t like and in twenty seconds she is on this table running at the man with a long sword and cuts his head off.

You just don’t mess with the decorations young padawan Baxter.

I think he got his butt kicked. I know he got it kicked. Every time we bring it up my mom gets this look in her eye and we all quietly leave the room.

Dotty came to my parents through me. One day when I was working at my dad’s shop one of the employees who was really a nasty person anyway, said that he was moving and they didn’t allow pets so he was going to shoot his dog. I was horrified. I begged my parents to take the dog. So they did. She is really cute, with long legs and is defiantly a lap dog.

When she came she did not like children. I have a feeling they mistreated her and teased her a lot. She didn't like G and first but now absolutely loves him. She tolerated M but hasn’t decided if she is keeping him yet or not.

Before Dotty came, Baxter and Benji were good drinking buddies. They played, ran and sometimes Baxter would let Benji hump him. But after Dotty came, Baxter forsake Benji for Dotty’s sweet embrace.

Benji was left out in the cold.

The only problem was that Dotty could care less about the two males. It’s literally all about her.

Sometimes Benji gets a good sniff in on Dotty when she lets him and it just about kills Baxter. It’s good for him though. It builds character. They are cute, lovable, dysfunctional pain in the butts.

But they are our pain in the butts.

Lucky us… huh?

Ok So We're in..

2010-03-18T07:04:00.000-07:00

Florida right? And the chief has definitely left his “mark” by this time. We were nearing the end of our trip at this point so we decided to shop and get to the Ocean. After picking up next years garage sale items we head (in a taxi thank god) to the Ocean.

The Ocean part of the island consisted of three restaurants; fancy all inclusive hotels, rich people houses, and lots and lots of water and sand. We went to a place called Sliders were we tussled back and forth over the chief’s unwillingness to give cab drivers a decent tip. We settled that and dived into a all you can eat basket of shrimp and fries. We set out to walk along the Ocean.

Damn! It was cold.

The whole time I was planning this trip. I pictured me (a lot skinner) with the chief walking hand in hand along the ocean, perhaps a frolic or two on the beach. Instead, we were huddled in our coats fighting the cold wind walking along miles of sandy beach looking for a damn exit.

In a last ditch effort to make something romantic I did this in the sand.

When I was finished I looked up hoping to see love in the chief’s eyes. That #$%^%$ was half way down the damn beach shaking his head.

So much for that.

Any who, thank god we got off and spotted another restaurant down the street called the Surf. This is when I decided I was going to get drunk.

We called a cab after a margarita and went back to our B&B, then headed to the “Palace” the oldest bar in Florida.

The Palace was pretty cool, it had hand painted murals all over and it was all good until the bartender wanted to know how we liked being packer fans, clearly mixing our state up with another state close to us.

Meanwhile I had accepted “Pirates Punch” from this silly bartender and proceeded to drink it like I was never going to drink again.

My friends, I do not know what was in this drink but ARRR Matey’s I was drunk!

I kept hollering at the chief to get some food in my belly but, no dice we had reservations at a good restaurant later and he didn’t want to “spoil” my appetite.

So I decided to have a beer to sober up. (I know smart right?) I tried to play pool.
Somehow I talked the chief into going next door to the Mexican place because we had heard from the PAHK people that Hector or Heraldo the owner was passing tequila out like it was water.

You know, because I needed more to drink.

This is the part where I’d like to tell you that we had a fab time at the Mexican place and even lead the bar into a Spanish sing along but it’s all kind of fuzzy from there. I know a margarita or two was involved.

Oops I almost forgot! Apparently I did this! In front of innocent tourists and children even!

Help me Rhonda.

So we get back to our pretty B&B which isn’t so pretty anymore when the puky’s come to town. I pass out. Wake up- death warmed over. Send the chief out for Philly Cheese steak sandwiches’, then later pizza. Obviously we missed our reservation.

In my defense, I TOLD HIM TO FEED ME.

No fun being hung over on a plane.

That’s it. Over and out.

And you know what, I think Florida was glad we left.

The Trip Part 1 Pooping in the PAHK!

2010-03-06T06:26:00.000-08:00

So the chief and I are like two fools when my mom comes to get the kids-we kiss them goodbye and hop in the truck as fast as we can like she might bring them back.

Destination? Mega Mall and what we thought was the Ramada. We get to our hotel where we paid too much money to do the Park and Fly and we were pleasantly disappointed. By that I mean we had a suite (wow really?) but it was very run down and a total dive. When I called the hotel to book a month ago I said to the lady “hey this place looks like the old Thunderbird Hotel?”

At which she replied, “I don’t know nothin’ about no Thunderbird.”

Of course when we got there it was the old Thunderbird.

It was ok but the décor seriously needs an update. Somehow after hopping a shuttle to the Mega Mall the only place my husband wanted to eat at was hooters. Really? Really? I don’t mind that every gal in there has a bigger chest than me by a few letters and that they all have nice shapes, but seriously the food is not that good.

Anyway we muscled through the Ramada/Thunderbird –hoped the plane and we were off.

Amelia Island is beautiful. Very small too! One half of the island is like shopping and very cool places to eat. The other is Ocean.

This is where we stayed.

This was our room.

The first thing we did when we arrived at the B & B was join the rest of the guests for Happy hour. There were a lot of nice people from the East Coast-Boston, Connecticut, and somewhere else. One of the first things everyone asked us was, “Are you from Canada?” As if people from Boston had any room to talk about accents. “Oh dahlings you gotta go to da PAHK, You’ll lav tha Pahk!”

Geez.

Anyways we went to some great restaurants. Lucky for you I’m the type of person who takes pictures of food.

Here is Shrimp and Grits.

Here is swordfish and succotash

Here is Lamb Chops

And fishcakes

So anyways when it would warm up we hopped on some beach bikes (love the big seats for big butts) and went a “couple of miles”-the inn keeper said to the fort. Well it was a “couple of miles” all right to the PAHK and then a “couple more miles to the fort.” It took forever and I was too pretty to exercise that day. Anyway when we finally reached the fort I noticed the chief was sweating and walking funny.

“What’s-up?” I asked him.

“Poop” was all he could muster out. Oh Lord, or Oh LAWD!

“Well were here and there’s bound to be bathroom-look a gift shop!” I said.

We got to the door that had a big sign that said “No running water on this end of PAHK” below it, it said, “Restrooms two miles back.” It might have well said “A couple of miles back!”
The chief goes inside grabs a couple of brochures and proceeds to crap next to an old civil war fort in the damn PAHK!

All the while I try to look as interested as I can while looking at a sign describing the native birds, cursing my husband with the loose bowels.

He did. He crapped and then used the brochures to wipe his butt. Had I not been married to him for 5 years I would have dumped him. Literally.

Wow-glad we could come 12,000 miles to crap in the PAHK in Florida. dear. Thanks.

So we go in and see the stupid fort and as we were walking out I said”You know, I have no problem getting a cab back to our B&B...” But no, Lance Armstrong wants to ride all the way back.

So we do. Then when we get back (thank God) we hop in the Jacuzzi tub and warmed up, and relaxed our sore bodies.

Stayed tuned! More to Come-Pirate Ball cupping and barfing in Florida!

Whatever

2010-03-03T17:34:00.000-08:00

Hi all- you know, it’s great to be back in the states again! I know, I know, I was just in Florida- but whatever- I like saying that. More on the Florida trip later. I know I should write about and show you pictures of all the great food we ate, stuff we did, and how I got wasted and cupped a pirates balls and how the Chief defecated in a state park.

But I don’t feel like it.

Today is Official Feel Sorry For Myself Day. If you’re not in the mood for a rant then I will see you tomorrow where I will post about the Florida trip. Here goes:

I wish my son did not have Autism.

There I said it.

I wish I did not have to plan schedules for Behavioral Therapy, Speech Therapy, daycare and God knows what else. I wish I did not have to rely on other people to care for my son. They are angels, don’t get me wrong, but I wish I didn’t have to impose on them on a daily basis. I have to consider their feelings, Everyone’s feelings.

I wish I didn’t have to spend any portion of my day worrying about what my son’s life is going to be like as an adult. I wish I wouldn’t have stumbled upon articles talking about how children with Autism are mistreated, mislabeled and most of all misunderstood.

I didn’t ask for any of this. I sure as hell didn’t sign up for it.
So why did I get it?

Oh yeah and remember this one post where I was nervous about speaking about something emotional in public regarding M’s autism? Well after being put off for a month they decided that a parent’s voice is not needed at this time.

Not needed at this time?

A parent’s voice?

Whatever. What the $%#^.
***********************************************************************************
Disclaimer- I love my son and wouldn’t change him for the world. It’s my period and the wine talking. Thanks for listening.

Just Checkin' In

2010-02-22T16:58:00.000-08:00

We are anxiously anticipating our vacation and all though time is flying by its also going painfully slow. Ya know what I mean Vern? Every peanut butter and jelly sandwich I make puts me closer to the edge. Yesterday I put the suitcase out and started packing. I also started packing for the boys. My mom and dad have graciously volunteered to take them for 3-4 days and I wonder if they know what they have in store for them. It will be good for them though, rattle their lifestyle up a little.
I have so many worries about what will go on while we are gone, I hope I can let them go and enjoy myself.
“Will M revert to his non-potty training ways?”
“Will G drive them into early retirement and a lifetime of solitude?”
Either way, maybe when we get back both sets will have a newfound respect for us. HA! Doubt it!
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Anyway, good news on the therapy..M has again flown through a set of skills he has mastered and on at the next family skills we get to find out what new things will be that he will work on. I almost laugh at the older posts and things I said before about not knowing if therapy is right for us or not. So far, it truly is the best course. M will start Preschool this fall at a highly sought out local preschool here in town and I am excited for him to make some new friends. He needs a buddy.
G had a great school conference.

Wow! Brag much? I think I’m just happy things are going well. Well I have to run into work one more time for a few hours tomorrow then it’s off to FL for some much needed rest, boozing and fun.

New We Are the World Video

2010-02-13T07:15:00.000-08:00

Take a look at this link and decide for yourself if the new "We are the world" Video is just as good as the classic.

http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/videogaga/31073/we-are-the-world-remake-takes-on-new-meaning/

I may be nostalgic but I like the old one better.

But-its such a great song that you still can't help liking the new one somewhat and the message is the most important thing.

10 things I love

2010-02-13T06:15:00.000-08:00

In Lieu of Valentines Day here are 10 things that make me go soft...

1. Unexpected way overpriced flowers from the chief. I mean, I like the guy more than flowers. You know what I mean.

2. My Boys. Of course. Especially their feet. I love their feet.

3. I love the comfort a pet gives you when you are down and out. Or just because. Don't tell Benji.

4. Right now the snow is getting pretty old-but you have to admit it can be beautiful.

5. Jumping on the bed with M singing "10 little monkeys jumping on the bed".

6. Shopping-online shopping- then coming home from work and seeing the box on your stoop.

7. Being with my friends,even though it is too far and in between when we get to do stuff.

8. Wine and coffee booze

9. Chili cheese fries

10. My own bed.

Weird? I know.

Happy V Day!

Facebook..I'm over it

2010-02-03T11:06:00.000-08:00

At first it was all facebook, facebook, facebook.

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.

Them: Oh my god, you gotta try this new thing..its like this whole networking site-you’ll love it, you gotta try it!

Me: Ah..ok..Maybe..I don’t think its new. Wasn’t there a space page..my space..That’s it my space!

Them: That was so 2008. Facebook. Do it now. Do it. Do it.

Ok. So I did. I created my profile, I put my relationship status on there. I put a few pictures up. I didn’t want any creepy-crepolas staring at my kids. I searched out a few friends. They accepted. It was fun..for a while. It grew and grew.

In the beginning I would try to think of things to put in my status. Let’s see..what can I say that is so important that all these people are going to care about. Ok I got nothin’. Ok now my head hurts. I’ll just look arround at everyone else pictures. There are people who post things everyday that no one seems to care about. They are really good at that.

That should be their job.

Oh wait someone wants to be my friend..yeah!

Oh.. its you.

Your that super creepy chic from that one year we worked together and I was just being nice to you when I gave you those rides to work. In reality, I was waiting for you to murder me and dump my body in the ditch and drive off with my car..or worse..copy my hairstyle. There’s a reason why we don’t stay in touch sweetheart. Not gonna click confirm. So don’t email me. Don’t poke me either. Ok now you are just stalking me.

Like Wanda Sykes said on Jay Leno one night. “If I didn’t want to be friends with you in fifth grade, what makes you think I want to be friends with you now?”

Hey look! Its 2 high school pals I haven’t seen forever..I’ll just ask them to be my friends. They confirmed! I’ll just shoot them an email though facebook and see how they are. 6 months later –no response. They are happily chatting on about their lives to everyone else.

I’ve been though high school once. Once is enough. I don’t need to join any/get denied from any clicks on facebook.

Yes it’s a nice useful tool. But is it all dat? Hardly.

On the Road to Vacation

2010-01-31T07:38:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed that when you are close to vacation everything seems to get on your nerves? Co-workers, family, friends- it doesn't matter who..just everyone. I need to chill with that thought because we have a whole month to go.

I've just read a great series of books called A Game of Thrones. My brother gave the first book to the chief for Christmas and I scooped it up before he barely had it unwrapped. Check it out if you like a little sci-fi epic. I usually don't but thought what the hey, and i actually enjoyed it.

On other fronts, I fear i am faced with several dilemmas. (Can you tell I am still stuck in middle world language?)

First, after voicing an opinion on the lack of support and knowledge that i encountered with my local pediatrician when M was diagnosed to a fellow collegue, I have been asked to speak to the entire pediatrics department on our struggles with Autism. I know what I will do but I do not want to do it, yet I know that i need to.

I absolutely hate....hate. Speaking. In. Public.

Much less- a topic with as much emotion as this one. I will have to gain control of these emotions and try to speak with my head and not so much with my heart. This is not easy for me , my friends.

Another colleague said to me -"Don't you see? Maybe this is your way to give back-maybe you were meant to be an advocate for your son and other children and parents that have been affected by this??

Aghhhhhhh. Now I have guilt.

I have to do it right? I may be helping someone else. And that's what really matters.
I just don't know how yet-but I 'll figure it out.

5

2010-01-24T14:01:00.000-08:00

In exactly one month the chief and I will have been married 5 years. It’s been a blink. Unbelievable how time flies. I finally talked him into doing a little something more substantial to celebrate this momentous occasion. We have decided to go here and basically just do nothing but eat, drink, shop and walk along the ocean. Well we might do a few other things.

Here is where we will be staying. This is our room.

I have usually poohed B&B’s in the past –thinking they were for old people past their prime in sex. I mean how do you get your freak on in a B&B? I couldn’t resist this one though-it looked like the inn keepers were a lot of fun. Besides you get a night free and my "let’s make a deal” instinct kicked in. Oh well, I guess time will tell.

It took me a half a day to line up people to watch the boys and figure out sports, school, and therapy schedules-which is why I want to go on vacation in the first place.

I will miss the boys terribly; worry that they won’t get their veggies for four days and wonder if they are wearing clean undies. But trust me I will get over it.

P.S. Can you lose 10 pds in a month? -is this a feasible goal?

My apologies

2010-01-23T05:11:00.000-08:00

When I first started this blog my intent was to write something every day. “How hard can it be?” I thought? It’s just 10 minutes a day.

I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t even have 10 minutes a day to do stomach crunches or go number 2 (both things I really need to do) so why in H-E-double hockey sticks would I have 10 minutes to write a blog post?

Anyway I’m working that out. It’s my resolution.

ABA Update

If you’ve checked into previous posts you will see we are battling the land of potty training. I would say we are definitely conquering it –one little poo at a time. M has done an outstanding job and I know it sounds trite but the chief and I have done even better. We totally stuck with the program laid out for us- and in one week he was trained. I think we’ve had 3 accidents so far and most of them have been –we just didn’t make it time to the bathroom-accidents.

He comes to tell us he has to go which is great-and then sometimes it’s a sprint to get to the bathroom.

I feel ashamed that I underestimated him. I (unfortunately) have read a lot of books on children with autism and there are children who never grasp the process of potty training. I was scared to death he would be 6, 10, 15, or 25 and in diapers. My heart goes out to these parents. The books are good references but one thing I must remember is that these children I read about which may have a few traits in common –ARE NOT MY CHILD.

They have a saying in the autism world and it goes like this...Once you have see one autistic child you have only seen one.

It’s kind of like when you are pregnant and everyone has an opinion or useless advice- and your own experience for better or worse is so much different than what they said it would be.

Anyway, because I cannot just bask in potty training glow-and feel the need to move on and worry about the next thing on this list...It's dressing.

Max sort of has this little prince syndrome where he sits on this throne and says “ok my loyal subjects, who is going to go to the potty with me? Who will pull my pants and underwear down and set me on my throne? I am done now. I am done NOW. I AM DONE NOW! Pull up my pants please thank you-I will call you when you may be in my service again.

So we have to work on that-and I will try not to worry about when he is 6, 10, 15, or 25 and someone will have to pull his pants up and down every day, because I am sure he will conquer that to.

Potty Update

2010-01-13T15:52:00.000-08:00

M has gone 3 days without accidents and has pooped consecutively on the potty!

5th Anniversary

2010-01-13T15:39:00.000-08:00

Ok so you knew this was coming. But I can’t help it.

M

Pooped

On the

Potty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, It’s our 5 year anniversary this February and I am bound and determined to go someplace fun. The chief is bound and determine to deter my plans. But as I said before I am the CEO , he is the CFO and I trump him. Most of the time. Don’t tell him I said that though ok?

So I want to go here or here. But he wants to go here. A really good friend of mine has been asking us to come to Chicago for like ever, and we never go. This last year I swore I would go. But now with potty training looming over our heads I’m not sure we can travel too far. I just don’t want to burden those who will be helping with M while we are gone.

Here is where we are going for a short weekend. Friday night, and Saturday night.

Hope everyone is having a great 2010.

If I'd known then what I know now..

2010-01-07T08:49:00.000-08:00

M’s first 90 days were up with his therapy and I was surprised at how fast that went. I cannot believe we even fretted about whether or not we should the therapy. It has been going wonderfully! His therapists are great- every one of them, and he has learned so much. M has mastered some of the program requirements so he will be introduced to two more, peer play and ..wait for it…..wait for it…Potty Training.

Potty training is like porn to my ears. It’s like chocolate on top of chocolate or a bottle of good wine that never ends. Can you tell I was excited?

And then we started.

Now pay attention parents with kids that still need to be potty trained because if I had known then with potty training G, what I know now, I probably would have saved myself a lot of grief. I believe this method is good for any child.

Day 1-M wears a shirt, underwear and socks and nothing else. No pants. No diapers anymore. He doesn’t really like this because he wets himself right away. We put M on the potty every 5 minutes. He has lots of accidents. We went through three packs of underwear. Husband pissy because of trips to Wal-Mart but we can work on his training later.

Anyways- here are the rules. If your child is watching a show or doing something they like, say more? If they say yes then say let’s go potty! This is not a question as this is not a choice but a necessity. If you ask a child, do you want to go potty? What do you think they will say? No, of course.

Don’t take no for answer even if they say no, -on the potty they go anyway. You’re in charge anyway right?

We put Max in a pull-up for nighttime right before bed. Pull-ups still feel like underwear and can help them determine when they are wet. In the morning when you take the pull up off pull it down like underwear –don’t rip it off like a diaper so they think its still underwear.

Next day increase your time by five minute increments. When there are accidents, never ever scold, just be firm and say potty on the potty! If they wet make them feel their underwear and say this is wet we must stay dry. We are on day three and up to a half an hour-every day is less and less accidents.

When you have successes act like someone just told you that you won the lottery. Jump up and down and praise your child almost to the point of silliness. Make a big deal out of it. Positive reinforcement goes along way- longer that treats-although we use those too.

We keep a chart that says what time he goes, was it an accident, or a success? He sits on the potty for 5 minutes a crack. I bought him toys and books to read for this time- stuff he only plays with on the potty. We also chart if we have to say go on the potty more than once or if he independently says potty or goes towards the potty himself.

I know, I know, we are really lucky because we have people to work on this while we are at work. But my daycare lady follows the same routine as does the Chief and G. We all stick to our guns, and although it is a lot of hard work, I’m glad we finally started.

I have never used so much resolve carpet cleaner in my life. If anyone wants anymore information just email me and I have examples of charts and more literature on this.

2009-12-06T05:08:00.000-08:00

I am not going to make this post sappy. G is turning 10 today.

TEN.
Double Digits.
Single digits gone forever.

Ten short years ago I was huffing and puffing his way into the world.

I've been trying to figure out what it is about my kid's birthdays that make me so sad. Of course its mostly because they are not my little babies anymore, but there's something else-I just can't put my finger on it.

Is it because 1o short years still feels like a lifetime ago?

Is it because 10 years ago I was a completely different person than I am now?

Am I different person now because I am a mother?

All those questions are all one word, yes.

And thank God I am a better person now because I am a mother.

I think you and your first born grow up together that's why it's so bittersweet, and its the same feeling you have for your first and oldest friends-only more intense.

All your experiences together are your firsts- breast feeding,bottle making, changing diapers, potty training. School, making friends, losing friends, sleep overs, parties, vacations.

And I know, I know, there's more to come. More parties, middle school,more friends, more sports, junior high, then gasp... high school.

I should probably stop making this about me now.

A few days ago G gave me a impromptu hug, which gets rarer and rarer these days. It was nice. At first I was startled I thought maybe some poor lost tween from the streets wandered into my house and hugged me. Surely this long armed bony young man was not my padded sweet skinned boy?

It was.

It felt..different but right, and although we have been together everyday for ten years, he changed overnight right before my eyes.

Happy Birthday Buddy.

Next Agenda Items

2009-11-29T05:04:00.000-08:00

So..Next on the agenda?

Ok..Ok..I’ll admit it I am a huge Twilight saga fan. I know right? Me and a bunch of teenagers. I caught the buzz probably about 3 or 4 years ago. I really do like the storyline though. When the Twilight movie came out I thought it was pretty good, even though I almost always prefer the book to the movie. I was super excited when the Chief came to Twilight with me, and I happily answered all of his questions about the movie that didn’t make sense unless you read the book.

Well then New Moon came out and I was determined to go opening weekend. The Chief insisted on going with me again. I teased him that he really liked the story; he said it was for the action and the vampire/werewolf fight scenes. I was hesitant to drag him with me to this movie because this book was very emotional compared to the other ones and I didn’t know how he would take all the “I love you, I can’t live without you.”

“No, I love you, I can’t live without you” and on and on.

And he acted just as I thought. Rolling his eyes, faking his own death when things got to mushy and even laughing out loud when Jacob (oh Jacob I love you) took off his shirt to reveal a very buff body. He laughed because when Jacob (still love you) did that there was a collective sigh from all the women in the theater...Including myself.

I’m not taking him next time, he’s too much of a buzz kill, and the next time he wants to go see American Ninja kill cut ‘em up superhero testosterone movie, I’m going to chat he whole way though.

Ok Moving Right along..Thanksgiving actually turned out great even with my cooking. Things I did different that made a huge difference:
• Used a turkey bag-nice moist turkey
• Made almost everything the night before
• Used slow cookers
• Bought one of those apple corer slicer things
• Had plenty of wine on hand

My parents and brother came and all bragged up the food, and at the end of the day we were pretty satisfied with everything. I am thankful for knowing when to say when. However, I ate too much and no matter how many walks I take.. I still feel fat, full and bloated. We had to more thanksgivings later and enjoyed our selves at all of them.

Three thanksgivings! That got me thinking..Do you think when the Mayflower docked that first Thanksgiving and the pilgrims had their meal with the Native Americans after they ate they said,” well that was good but now we have to go visit our brother in law in New York and celebrate with his family?”

Closing Remarks
I have to get back on the wagon Monday and try to not eat things smothered in gravy.
I have a redhead who is turning 10, that gives me mixed feelings.
Christmas is coming, and if I can make through a chorus concert, Christmas pageants and a huge Christmas party at work, it should be fun!

Out!
J

A lot is going on...

2009-11-27T05:13:00.000-08:00

Hello my dear blog friends –(if there are any of you still out there?)
There is much to discuss since we last met so please follow along to the agenda I have provided for you.

Today’s agenda
• Work party which lands my husband in the ER
• Why is bad news always followed by good news?
• New Moon
• Thanksgiving
• Closing remarks
What a hectic last couple of weeks! First of all, after two glasses of wine on a Wednesday night in October with some friends, I volunteered to co-host a small party with this jewelry. I also wanted to help another friend out who is venturing into a new business of her own selling dips and meat rubs.

Of course, the Chief caught the brunt of the work associated with getting ready for a work party full of woman. After accidentally removing half the upstairs bathroom wall by taking a toilet paper holder off and having to repaint it at the last minute, and cleaning his man cave shower with a strong cleaning acid which resulted him with bleeding under his fingernails which eventually landed him in the ED, and probably losing a nail..He has had a rough last couple of weeks. A lesser man would have packed his bags and taken his blanket and pillow back to his mothers for good. But alas, he is snoring beside me in bed this morning, and because it is the morning after Thanksgiving, I am truly thankful for him. (Most of the time.)
So the party went well, lots of people came, bought jewelry and food. At the end of the day, my fellow hostesses and I were thrilled with the outcome. I’ve also been giving the Chief some time off.

Was it worth all of the work? No. But oh well.

Moving right along…

If you care about autism therapy updates keep reading, if not, then skip ahead to the next agenda item. You’re staying? Thanks, friend. Therapy is going so well. Initially it was a hard decision for us to open our home to strangers allows them to tell us how to raise our youngest child and pay them a lot of money. G I don’t know why? But now it all seems to make sense. M has a rotating staff of 4 ladies that come and work with him daily, giving us about 30 hours of therapy a week. What is left over in the week M spends at daycare. It’s a crazy schedule but so far it’s worth the hassle.

The 4 ladies are overseen by a lead therapist who is the cat’s ass. She is so awesome and knowledgeable that even when you first meet her you know you can trust her opinion. She meets with us one day a week for family therapy and we really enjoy that time. Usually, she catches us up on M’s progress through the week, and we work on skills to keep going through the weekend when the therapists are not there. In the Autism world...she completes me. Anyways, the lead therapist said M is flying through the program, which is wonderful to hear. She impressed upon us he is intelligence, and said that when our 90 days are over, they would be introducing a whole new set of skills for M, along with potty training. Can’t wait. CAN NOT WAIT! Anyways, then she gave us a piece of advice. She suggested that M start regular preschool next year. She feels it will be good experience for him, and that makes us excited to see him mainstreamed like a typical preschooler. She said we may meet some resistance from the therapy group but to push on and insist that he go. Sounds good to me.

Which why I was so devastated when she than announced two weeks ago that she was resigning.

I had the stupid work party coming up, a lot of stress at work (whole other post) and now the person who has just began helping us through this unknown journey is jumping ship. I had to fight the tears back, I’m sure she could tell. Of course the Chief did recon as soon as she left reassuring me everything would be alright. She did say that one of the therapists M is already working with will take her place. The girl is young, and not the woman we have now and that’s all I’m going to say about that. I’ll give her a chance though, I have to.

Only, then I remembered she won’t be there to help us.

Then the reasoning party of my brain which fights the crazy said “hey we made it this far, we can certainly keep going.”

Thanks for sticking around...more agenda items to follow. Right now I have to go fight the Black Friday crowds to see if I can get a $12 blender for $4.

Peace out,
J

Decorating

2009-11-07T03:25:00.000-08:00

Decorating has always been difficult for me. I can tell you what color to paint your living room, I can easily decipher between a put together room or a mess. But when it comes to my own space I am lost. If i had to pinpoint my style these things would be true. I tend to gravitate towards earth colors, but am starting to mix in some cool colors. I used to be crazy about a country shabby sheik look. Now I am liking more modern clean lines.

And I hate to admit this but I am a Pottery Barn fanatic. Do I buy form Pottery Barn? No... when the catalog comes I hide away and slobber over what I wish I could buy. Sometimes I pretend I've just been announced the winner of a Pottery Barn sweepstakes. I have exactly 20 minutes to pick out what i want. Then someone knocks on the bathroom door asking if the grapes he found that fell in the back of refrigerator are supposed to be fuzzy and i am transported back to reality.

I mean who couldn't resist this?

One living room 5 different ways?

Help me Rhonda.

Anyways what i really wanted to chat wit you about is Wall coverings. I personally love wallpaper. But that is because in the last house the chief had to remove the stuck on old school crappy border in the bathroom because I was on the edge of sanity. I don't care still want some.

Here are a couple of my favorites...

Mod Green Pod

Pretty much anything from here..

OK OK but what I really wanted to talk about was Vinyl Wall Stickers. I love 'em.

And when I get enough nerve...

This one is going in my brand new laundry room- (thanks to the Chief.)

And hopefully something like this for my two bare walls in my living room that are DRIVING ME CRAZY!

Or this..

I don't know..tell me what you think...!!!!

Wouldn't this be cute for G & M's play area?

Let me know your thoughts and I'll post Pics of what i choose!

Is anybody out there?

2009-11-05T14:09:00.000-08:00

Leave a comment below if you still visit this blog...

:)

Character

2009-11-01T04:52:00.000-08:00

G is by far the biggest character I have ever met. You certainly have to stay on your toes with him. He has always been a smart cookie. We’ve had a difficult relationship him and I, but I don’t let it get me down. He has never been a mama’s boy. He is stubborn, dosen't take anything too seriously even when he should. He acts and reacts often without thinking first, he is impulsive. He is a goofball.

He is a lot like me.

He argues to argue- absolutely insists he is right, then when proven wrong will act like he knew the answer all along. He can tease past the point of acceptableness.

He is even more like his father.

A few years back we had what I will refer to as ‘the incident.” It is very difficult for me to talk about because it was the first time that Gage did something that I did not see coming and it’s also the first time he looked me straight in the face and lied. I have never been one of those mothers who think their child is golden and perfect never doing wrong. In fact I’m usually the first to say “ok what part did my son have in this?”

Because this incident involved an angry parent who thought their child was and is “golden”, the principal at school and almost the police, it is so far the biggest stunt he has ever pulled. And let me tell you there are too many to name. After the dust settled, we did however learn a few things from each other.

G would probably say-
1. I will increase my longevity and comfort on this planet if I do not lie to my mother. Plus she never ever forgets. It isn’t worth the hassle.

2. I should never say anything so bad that I can’t take it back. Even to a girl.

I would say-

1. You are my first born, my reason for growing up, you are my angel. But you are not the baby you used to be, you are capable of more than I thought. You are growing up. I must step up my game.

2. I will always forgive you for all your mistakes. I cannot help that, it’s a mother thing. But I will remember them and if need be bring them up often. I will instill fear and guilt into you until your conscience guides you to be a better person. I will ride you relentlessly.

I know our relationship changed after the incident. I spent too much time being mad at him. I also did something to prove to him lying was not ok. I could have let the whole incident die, letting him get away with it, lying to me and the principal but I did not. I marched him into the principal’s office the next day and made him tell the truth. The whole truth even though it might mean him getting a police record. There was no pondering this- this was about integrity and character.

The principal was awesome. She complimented Gage on how lucky he was to have a mother who cared about his character.

Last Halloween while trick or treating, we saw the “golden” girl. The girl who was involved in “the incident.” She went up to G and pushed him, and stuck her tongue out at him. I glanced around looking for her mother. She and some friends were on the street talking, not paying attention-of course.

My buddy ignored her and turned to look at me briefly while helping his little brother up the steps to the door.

I was finally able to put the incident behind us, and complimented G on his character.

Benjiman

2009-10-19T14:41:00.000-07:00

This is our dog, Benji.

He has always been a pain in my rump since day one. I like dogs; I really do -just not this one. Well ok, ok I like him alright I guess.

Benji if you’re reading this I’m sorry; but we’ve been through all this before. There are things you can do to make our relationship smoother.

What would that be?

Well for starters that whole run -away -thing as soon as you get out the door of the house stuff you pulled a couple years ago was really inconvenient. Blew out my favorite flip flops running after you. Do you know how hard it is to run in flip flops? No probably not.

That was over 6 years ago! I got whooped so I stayed home after that. TIME TO MOVE ON!

Well...but still.. Secondly, every time we go somewhere you eat grass, and then wait until we get home, in the house, on my living room carpet and puke. REALLY? You were just outside?

Can’t help it. You said you don’t like the carpet anyway. Do you want me to wait until you get NEW carpet?

You bark, you bark at strangers, you bark at family members, you bark at the crazy neighbors across the street. You bark at us when we come in the house for God’s sake.

Just saying Hi. You and the chief would be mad if you were messing around and I did not bark when your mother in law walked in the house unannounced….wouldn’t you? Huh? Huh?

Ok, fine.. You make sure you are conveniently under my feet when I am walking so that I trip on you. You peed on all my new bushes and plants last year and now every one is dead.

I follow you around because you are always eating. I probably did overdue the plant thing, I’ll give you that one.

Ha! Here’s the last thing, all you do is lie around. What do you moonlight as sled dog or something during the day we are at work? You're so lazy! See I took pictures of you…

Exhibit 1

Oh did I wake you?

You would lie around too if you had to stay in the yard, be careful where you peed and held your puke. Besides, that way it’s easier for your babies to love me up.

All I can say is just like any disfunctional relationship, we're staying together for the kids.

Will He Fix It?

2009-10-14T11:11:00.000-07:00

The chief doesn’t know it yet but there’s some home remodeling projects coming his way. Usually I try to break these things to him gently. Here‘s how our conversation usually goes.

Me: Honey, I’ve been thinking…

Chief: Throws head back, eyes rolling, big sigh

Me: Hello? Hello? Tap Tap… Is this thing on? Crickets Chirping..

Chief: First of all, do we have the money? You get these big ideas, say it won’t be costly then it all adds up. Pretty soon we’ve got $1500-$2000 into a “$200 project.” (He actually uses bunny fingers here.)

Me: (pretend to look half offended/half confused at what he is saying) well, I can’t help it if I have good taste. (I must change my tactic now-quickly)

Chief: Good taste and expensive taste aren't necessarily the same thing. (Touché’)

Me: But you are so good at everything, plumbing, electrical, construction….just think of the money we are saving! (Trying flattery here…) It’s just something I’ve been thinking about... (Insert project here), or let’s just go to Home Depot/Menard's and price out (insert item here).

Chief: No

Me: (arms folded, silent treatment, foot tapping on the floor) this could go as long as a few minutes or possible a whole episode of NCIS.

Chief: What? What? What is it you want to do now?

Check mate...and we’re off.

So we have this nice finished basement right? It’s got a dingy set up in the bathroom. I hate the shower because the doors are glass and it’s old and impossible to keep clean. I’m talking the chief into replacing the shower with a tiled in custom shower-walk in with no door.

I’ll send along pictures as we go. Wish me luck!

M's Journey-Part 2

2009-10-03T18:25:00.000-07:00

ABA therapy is expensive, intensive and hard work.
The public school program is free, accommodating and pretty easy to comply with.
We chose ABA therapy. That’s just how we roll.

First step: do tons of paperwork to see if we can qualify for state aid to pay for this therapy.
Step 2: we are approved for state aid! Great! What? We have to pay an extra $400 a month for state aid?...ok. Ouch.

Step 3: Ok let’s move forward with the therapy. Here’s the kicker –a therapist comes to your home! Wow wonderful..but…an adult the M trusts has to be present at all times. Ok ..my husband and I work full time..Especially since now we have to pay an extra $400 a month..We cannot afford to work part time or quit our jobs.

Step 4: run into a old friend who has decided to retire due to numerous battles with cancer. She volunteers to be the adult to stay with M during tehrapy. Talk to church and convince nice church lady down the street to help out as well. There are real angels out there in disguise as old lady’s. It is humbling.

Step 5: Tell boss with out crying everything , then ask to take one day a week off FMLA for two to three years. Thank lucky stars I have the best boss in the world.

Step 6: convince the chief of steps 1-5. I love my husband but he is the CFO of this business and he totally looks at the bottom line. I think with my heart.

Thank God I am the CEO which trumps the CFO.

So next week we start 30 hours of ABA therapy with a group called MAC. They just had a article in a local paper . This woman is a local hero amongst the Autism moms in Red Wing.

I just want to say a few more things. M has autism. But autism does not have us. It does not define him. He is so much more then this label. Every day he talks more and more and clearly defies the stereotype of the typical non speaking, non social classically labeled autism child. He is three and has come farther than most children have to by his age. We strongly feel he is on the mild end and this therapy will help fine tune the skills he already has.

I know there is a reason for everything. I pay homage to all mothers out there –especially those in the past who had no help and no one to talk to through these difficult times. And to all mothers-new and old however the journey unfolds for each of us. Life isn'tabout getting what you want-it's about wanting what you got.

Gotta go now. The M is yelling, “Mommy” which my friends, is music to my ears.

M's Journey-Part 1

2009-10-03T18:20:00.000-07:00

I just want to briefly talk about my little M. But first I want to make something very clear. This blog is not solely just about autism or ADHD. Fortunate or not these things are very predominant in my life right now. I know that all families have their struggles too so mine should not be any different than yours. The last thing I want to do is come off as whiney.
So that being said I would like to touch lightly on M’s journey through autism-and ours. I’ll make it as brief as I can. When M was one he didn’t start talking. I let it go for a while but when I couldn’t any longer I expressed my concerns to his pediatrician. He referred me to the birth to three program from our local school district. This was an awesome dedicated group of people. They did testing on Max. He was uncooperative at that time. They determined that M needed some in home speech therapy and occupational therapy, which they provided at my daycare.
This all went well with slight improvements in M’s opening up to them allowing them to work with him. One day the occupational therapist asked me if I had ever thought of autism. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and immediately got defensive. The chief and I were convinced that our healthy, speech delayed little guy did not have autism. This denial went on for a while and still goes on sometimes to this day.
After more urging from the birth to three therapists for M to join autism based class and our unwillingness to believe this was autism we took M to a pediatric Neurologist. After three days of testing and a week later the doctor told us news that would change our lives forever. Don’t ask me what they said because I lost touch with all reality after they announced “We believe M falls on the autism spectrum.” I had read several books about autism at this point and had broken the news gently to the chief numerous times- we thought we were open to the idea-until someone passed down the diagnosis. It seems no one, untill now, had broken the news to me.
I won’t get into the next two to three weeks after that –but just to say I walked around with a lot of pain and anger. The chief, who I had always thought was my lesser half in emotional affairs-, was my rock.
Even though I was upset and wallowing in self pity I got started right away researching the best way to help M. I have yet to stop and breathe. If you have read anything or know anything about autism there are a lot of therapies, myths, and diets out there. We had to make a difficult decision to either stay with our local school districts autism program or do something called ABA therapy.
TO be continued…

Remember when....

2009-10-03T16:12:00.000-07:00

So I have these friends right? There’s like 10 of them. You know who you are. We all grew up together in a little town. Now that we are over 30 and old it is so fun to see them again. Some of them stayed in the small town. Some of them have moved away and only come home once in a while, some have moved away and came back home to live and raise their family. Some of them (me) didn’t really move that far away but still only come home once in a while.

Anyways, what is cool about these guys is that we could see each other every 5 minutes or every 5 months or every 5 years and we can always pick up where we left off. And to me, they look better every time I see them. Like better than I do. OK maybe I don’t like them so much.

Awww just kidding….

When we are together they make me forget about my problems, that I don’t have or make enough money, my car is not old and rusty, what is my purpose in life. Blah, blah blah... All that stuff just goes away. Suddenly I am 18 and we’re sitting around at a party that we probably shouldn't’t be at because our folks think we are somewhere else.

And we are young again; we do not have husbands or children, or responsibilities. We just have to make it though the party trying not to pee our pants laughing talking about –who is cute, who is not cute. Remember him..Ugh what was I thinking? What are we going to wear to this or that?

I don’t have to impress them, it’s really no use because they know that I am still the dumb #$$ that tripped and fell in the middle of a halftime basketball game during a dance line incident gone horribly wrong -showing my wooha to everyone including cable channel 6.

And I got stuff on them.

Most of the time when we get together we talk about our husbands, children and careers. But it is nice to know that those things aren’t the only things that we have in common. We are women, mothers, wives, and employees now but to each other we will always be those girls with our maiden names.

I feel sad sometimes when I think that our kids will not grow up together or that we do not get together as much as we used to. But I think it will be OK.

Three things I hope for our kids:

1. I hope our kids are lucky enough to make life long lasting friendships like we did.
2. I hope when they get together it makes them feel young no matter how old they are.
3. I hope they pee their pants. From laughter of course.

Peace out-
Homies

PS I would post their pictures but they have to give me permission!

Today She Would Be 98...

2009-09-17T13:52:00.000-07:00

If you are lucky, really lucky-there are some people in your life that will never be replaced. My irreplaceable person is my maternal grandmother. My brother and I spent more time with her growing up than with our own mother. I'm not even going to attempt to put into words the kind of person she was because I could never do it justice and today is not the day for that. Like all the good things in life, you never know what you have until it’s gone. We were fortunate enough to have her until she was in her early 90's.

It all happened so fast; she called me because she had fell in the shower or she had felt “funny” I can’t remember now but I know I dropped what I was doing and raced to her apartment. I wondered as I drove her to the hospital if she had a stroke. Would she be disabled? Would she die? No. I put it out of my mind. She did have a stroke and she never did recover. I did not cry when she was sick in the hospital. I did not cry when they asked my mom about the DNR paperwork.

I was the only one with her because everyone else was at work that day. I was alone with her after the nurses got her settled. She would sleep and then wake up want something, then sleep again. You had to keep an eye on her so you didn't miss anything. None of us wanted to her to experience a moment of uncomfortableness. I think I had a magazine or a book or something I was reading to pass the time until my mom came back to relieve me.

For some reason I glanced up and she was looking straight at me. A crooked smile on her face. She said one thing to me that was the last thing she would say to me. Or to anyone for that matter, shortly the stroke would take away her speech. She said something I will never forget . She pointed to the foot of her bed, and said as clear as day: "There is an angel at the end of my bed."

I was humbled and afterwards i cried. Partly because I knew she was going to die soon and partly because I knew at that moment that moment without a doubt there is a higher power and that there is life after death. I promised myself that I would never forget the moment that affirmed my faith.

I didn't realize it then but she had given me a gift. The gift of faith. Later, when in many times in my life it would seem like things were falling apart, loosing jobs, painful diagnosis for my children, when I thought I couldn't and didn't want to go on. I did and I can, and I will. Because there is meaning to all of this -even the bad stuff.

So bring it on-life -give me what you got. I'm sure you have all sorts of goodies up your sleeve for me.

You wont take my soul, my faith- and I can give you 98 reasons why.

Peace out Grams.

P.S. You gotta dig the Old Style grams is holding in her hand.

Nothing monumental to start out with

2009-09-13T12:10:00.000-07:00

I'm a newbie at this, I'll admit it. I'm just going to throw that out there right away. I have read hundreds of blogs and dreamed of someday having my own. After I do more research on if its OK or not i will list some of my favorite blogs for you to check out.

I suppose I'd better start out by introducing myself. My name is Jo and I live in a small Midwestern town. I have a husband that we will call the chief. I call him the chief because well frankly its cute and it makes him feel important. And he is important to me and our tribe. Our tribal youth consists of one redhead G. who is age 9 going on 13. And one blond M who is age 3.

G has a different father and we are divorced. The Chief is my second husband and father to M. G's father lives less than 5 miles from us and for the most part we get along pretty well. More on that later.

G has ADHD. More on that later. M has Autism-more on that later too.

I hope this blog is a beginning to make new friends, stay in touch with old friends and a way to connect our lives by unique interests and one thing most of us have in common-parenthood.